The Bird of Evilness
by Toplesslemon
Summary: TATE Random Twoshot. Fluff and nothing more. You probably shouldn't read if you're a fan of birds... now COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** If I owned NCIS or any of its characters I'd take the money I'd made and make it so keyboards were changed. I mean, why the hell is the override button RIGHT next the back space? Where's the logic in that? But I don't own them, so sadly I will continue to frustrate myself by accidentally pressing the override key a thousand times a day.

**AN:** Birds are evil. 'Nuff said.

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Birds are evil creatures.

Tony knew this fact. The birds may be able to trick every other human being on the planet with their cute, feathery, act of innocence, but Tony was not one to be tricked by this act. So when one lovely spring day, whilst Kate and himself were enjoying their lunch break at a local park, he caught one of these evil beasts of horror staring at him he was rather worried.

'Kate,' He hissed at Kate, poking her in the side

'What?' She replied 'You're not getting the rest of my sandwich, if that's what you want.' Kate was slightly moody; Tony had already stolen half of her tuna sandwich and he wasn't getting any more of it.

'Is that bird staring at me?' Tony motioned to the little demon of disaster that was perched upon a tree branch about three or so metres from where Tony and Kate were sitting.

'Is this the start of sick joke I don't want to hear about, or are you seriously asking me that?' Kate asked

'No, I'm seriously asking if that barrel of bird flu is staring at me.' Tony replied, barely above a whisper; he couldn't let it hear him.

'Why are you whispering?' Kate replied, taking a bite of what was left of her sandwich.

'It might here us.' Tony said, again in a whisper

'Paranoid much?'

'Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean the minions of the devil aren't out to get you.' Tony said, matter of factly.

'And they are…?' Kate replied

'Birds, of course!'

'Of course. Why didn't I even think of that?' Kate finished her sandwich; scrunched up the wax paper it had been wrapped and threw it at Tony's head. She watched in satisfaction and it bounced off his head and landed on the dirt beside him. 'I'm going to go now. When you leave don't forget to throw the rubbish in the bin.' Saying that, Kate stood, brushed the crumbs off her lap, and started to head back to headquarters.

'Kate, wait!' Tony cried out, hastily throwing their rubbish in a nearby bin. Kate stopped and turned to stare at him. 'Don't leave me alone with it!' Tony rushed to catch up with her.

'For God's sake Tony; it's a pigeon! What the hell is it going to do?' At the very second Kate made this statement the winged warrior sprung from it perch and flew at Kate's head.

'Kate, look out!' Tony yelled and fiercely pulled Kate to the ground before the warm blooded fiend could reach her, somehow ending up on top of Kate.

'Is it gone?' Kate asked, trying to ignore the fact that Tony was on top of her.

'I think so.' Tony answered, glancing around

'Then get off me!' Kate exclaimed, pushing him off herself. He managed (with her help) to roll off her. Sitting up, Kate suppressed a laugh.

'You have a twig in you hair.' She said, gently pulling the offending stick out. Tony grinned and sat up.

'You've got a leaf in yours.' She allowed him to pull the leaf out. 'Are you okay? Not hurt or anything?'

'I'm fine, thanks to you, that is.' Kate suddenly became very interested in rubbing a piece of imaginary dirt off her leg.

'I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I didn't quite catch you thanking me.' Tony joked, pulling himself off the ground and offering her a hand up. She eyed it for a second; she had fallen for that before, before finally letting him pull her upright.

'How long have you been afraid of birds?' She asked, skilfully changing the subject.

'I'm not scared of them, I just happen to be aware of their evilness.' He replied indignantly

'Does this mean Ducky's evil?' Kate asked as they casually walked side by side back to work.

'No, Ducky's different.' Tony replied vaguely

'How so?' Kate prodded

'He just is.' Tony stated firmly. A bird suddenly squawked, causing both Tony and Kate to jump. Kate unconsciously inched closer to Tony. 'Damn disease carrying rodents.' Tony muttered under his breath. A pigeon (possibly the same one as before) flew over their head, slightly too close for comfort and Kate grabbed Tony's hand. 'I'm not afraid of birds.' Tony said, sounded slightly high-pitched.

'Me neither.' Kate agreed nervously, before another bird flying too close sent them into each others arms. 'This is stupid.' Kate said into Tony's chest.

'I agree.' Tony agreed, but tightened his arms around her. They stood like that for a couple of minutes before Kate suddenly started laughing.

'What's so funny?' Tony asked, loosening his hold on her

'Us.' Kate replied, looking up at Tony 'Being afraid of a couple of pigeons.'

'It's not that funny,' Tony replied as Kate noticed a scratch about a centimetre below his right eye that was bleeding.

'Shut up Tony, you're bleeding.' She gently brushed her fingers across it.

'I am?' He asked alarmed

'It's just a scratch; you'll be fine.' Kate lowered her hand

'What, no kiss better?' Tony joked. Kate thought about it for a second, before gently pressing her lips to his.

'Better?' She asked, but Tony was stunned silent. 'Is that a yes?' Kate asked, pulling him by his hand. 'We'd better get back before Gibbs kills us.'

'You kissed me.' Tony finally managed

'Yes, I did.'

'Does this mean I can kiss you?'

'I'll think about it.' Kate replied with a shrug.

Maybe birds weren't so bad after all.

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**AN: **Now wasn't that just random? Review anyway. If anyone likes it I can always write more… with more kissing and fluff! After all; Tony should probably clean that cut of his… if you get what I'm saying.

Do you? Because I don't. What was my point? Oh, that's right; review:D


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **The best stuff is always wrote at five in the morning. Oh, wait, it's already six. Well, obviously it's going to be crap then!

Okay, here's the promised second chapter. I think someone asked for it, or maybe it was just me. :D Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed! You people are the best!

Ignore my complete lack of medical knowledge. I'm too lazy to do any research. My mum did use to be a nurse, but if I woke her up to ask her this she might kill me, and then I wouldn't be able to post it!

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Tony had the maturity of a five year old.

Kate knew this, so she didn't know she why she was so surprised when Tony starting whining about having his cut cleaned. They had returned from lunch to find that Gibbs and McGee had already left to speak to a suspect of their latest case and had left death threats for them to get on with paperwork. So, naturally Kate had pushed Tony into a chair and pulled out the first aid kit. Which was when Tony had started to complain.

'What's that?' Tony asked, pointing to Kate hands where she was holding an alcohol wipe.

'Something to clean your cut.' Kate replied, freeing said alcohol wipe from its wrapper.

'What's in it?' Tony asked

'Alcohol,' Kate replied, 'but not the kind you like.' She dabbed lightly at the cut, before throwing the wipe in the bin. Tony made a face.

'That stung.' He grumbled

'Sorry,' she replied with a sigh 'but at least now it's clean.' This only made Tony complain more. Glancing around to make sure no one was looking; Kate grabbed Tony by his shirt and pulled his mouth to her. After kissing him for slightly longer than she had intended, she pulled away.

'I'm going to go see Abby.' She told a wordless Tony, before heading to the elevator. Regaining his composure he soon followed and managed to squeeze in before the elevator doors shut, much to Kate's delight.

'What happens now?' He asked her

'Now what?' She replied

'You keep kissing me!' Tony said, pointing an accusing finger at Kate

'So?' Kate asked, feigning innocence. Tony immediately stopped the elevator.

'It's very distracting, that's what!'

'I could always stop… if you'd like.' She gave him a small smile

'Damn it, Kate!' Tony said, suddenly mad, 'In case you hadn't noticed; I kind of like you! And I wouldn't want us,' he motioned to the both of them 'to be just so random office fling. So, if you're just doing it to confuse and annoy me, yes, stop!' He flicked the elevator back on. Kate reached across him and stopped it again, sighing as she did.

'In case YOU hadn't noticed, you happen to be Tony-I'll-chase-anything-in-a-skirt-DiNozzo! I don't want to be just another one of your bimbos. If "us",' she motioned to the both of them 'were to happen I couldn't take it if it was just some fling, because I happen to like you more than a bit too!' Before she could say another thing Tony's lips were on hers and they were making out in an elevator. 'What does happen next?' She asked, breaking from Tony.

'I don't know. Any ideas?' Tony replied, their faces only inches apart.

'I think we should go on a couple of dates and take it from there.' Kate said

'I agree. Tonight?'

'Well, I'm not doing anything.' She said with a smile

'Know what else we could do?' Tony asked, kissing her nose

'What, Tony?' Kate asked, daring him with her eyes to make a dirty joke.

'Make Abby's year by telling her.' He replied with a grin, making her laugh.

Little did they know; Abby didn't need to be told. She had almost choked on her Caf-Pow! when she had seen them making out on the elevator. Obviously hacking into the security had been a good idea. Even if McGee hadn't thought so. She was already waiting at the doors by the time they opened to reveal a slightly dishevelled pair of Special Agents. She immediately threw her arms around them.

'I can't believe it finally happened!' Abby exclaimed happily 'McGeek so owes me money now!' Tony and Kate were slightly confused.

'What are you going on about?' Tony asked

'You do realise that there is, in fact, a camera in every elevator in this building?' Kate groaned and turned slightly red, and Tony became fascinated by his right foot. 'So does this mean you're dating?' Abby asked

'Yes, it does.' Tony said, smiling at Kate and Abby squealed excitedly and hugged them both again.

'Congratulations!' Abby said 'You have no idea how happy you've made me!'

'I think we do, Abs.' Tony replied

'What do we tell Gibbs?' Kate asked, suddenly alarmed

'Don't.' Abby said and they both looked at her alarmed 'For at least a couple of months, and then you can point out to him that it hasn't affected your work and you've kept it out of the office, which you will do.' She looked at them both with her sternest look. 'Sure, he might me mad for a couple of days, but he'll get over it. I'll make sure of it!' Kate sighed

'Thanks Abby.' Kate said, hugging her friend

'Anything for my favourite couple.' Abby replied 'So when are you going out?'

'Tonight.' Kate said

'Where?' Abby asked. Tony to look to Kate, who shrugged.

'We don't know,' Tony replied 'but we've got the rest of our lives to figure it out.'

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**AN: **It is finished! But fear not there shall be other Tate fics! I promised a McAbby oneshot next, but after that I'll probably go back to MGCAG, but after that I do have a Tate fic planned. I'll try and finish this one before posting though. I won't say too much about it, except it will be a kind of re-write of a Sandra Bullock movie. Guess away!

**A note from my muse: **Hi, I'm Jen's un-named muse. I'm angry because I don't have a name! Please someone think of a name for me! You can tell me any ideas in your reviews (hint hint). A special prize for the person who names me!

Now review. :D


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